To illustrate how God uses a variety of things in our lives to draw us to him and how our seasons are layered up by the Master Artist for our good and his glory, I’m going to share a little bit about my personal story through some art pieces that I made.
I finally hit bottom
A little over four and a half years ago, I woke up early one morning and was lying there thinking and praying. I had been in a covertly abusive marriage for over 25 years and didn’t know it yet. I just knew I had been miserable for decades, had tried so hard to make it work and I was done. Layer after layer of ugly, season after season of darkness…
So I’m laying there praying and I told God I couldn’t do it anymore; I couldn’t do another cycle; I couldn’t try again. I just didn’t want to be here anymore. God, please take care of my kids, but just take me now and I was serious. I felt like God said “Kerri, do you think this is the life that I have for you?” And I said, “I haven’t seen anything different to believe otherwise! God I need to see you working on my behalf! I need to see you do something!” I had prayed for so long and nothing had gotten better. I had lost all hope.
Bring on the hope
And it was that very day—the day I really hit bottom, the day I knew there was absolutely, positively nothing I in my own strength could do to fix any of it—that I started to see God move on my behalf.
I received an email which led to a job, which gave me hope that I would be able to support myself and my kids so I would be able to get out of that toxic situation.
I found a book that led to a mentor and a group of women in the same situation as me, which gave me tools I needed to have so I could be strong enough to leave.
My prayers were finally being answered!
But it wasn’t as if on that one day I was praying for God to take me that, God said, “Okay, today’s the day I’m going to answer Kerri’s prayers she’s been praying for years. BAM! “
All that time waiting and praying was not lost. It was not for nothing. Layer after layer, season after season, He had been working in my life until it was in his perfect time to add a few brushstrokes to change it into a brighter season!
A picture in my mind
Awhile after this, we were singing a new song at church called, Beautiful Things.” One of the verses really struck me as I read the lyrics: “All this pain | I wonder if I’ll ever find my way | I wonder if my life could really change at all | All this earth | Could all that is lost ever be found | Could a garden come up from this ground at all?” It so mirrored what was in my heart. I was still dealing with the devastation that I had gone through that left me feeling like there was just deadness all around.
Then I got a visual in my mind of a little plant getting blasted by a storm. Just looking at it, you would think it wouldn’t survive because it was just getting shredded. It looked pathetic and really didn’t stand a chance in the storm. But underground was a different story. It had a massive root system. It was a big tangled ball of roots so that in reality, that little plant wasn’t going anywhere. So, I tucked that image away.
Another picture in my mind
A few months later, I was coaching event and I shared some of my story. My coach looked at me and said, “you’re going to be like the bamboo tree!” I asked if that was a good thing and he said, “Yes. The chinese bamboo tree doesn’t look like it’s doing anything…for years. You keep watering it, but nothing happens—until the 5th year. And then it grows 80 feet in 6 weeks! Massive growth in a short amount of time. That is going to be you!”
And then, because that’s what I do with pictures of my head I envisioned this beautiful tree, laden with fruit and flowers. As I was thinking about that image, I remembered the other image I had stored away with the little plants and the roots underground. I realized that the one was a picture of where I’ve been, and the other one was a picture of where I was going.
So I decided to paint them.
Let the layers begin
But before I started any of the layers that you might see in the final pieces, I wrote out my story on the boards. All the yucky stuff, specifics, general things against me, against my kids. Then I wrote some song lyrics that ministered to me over the years on top of that. Then I wrote the vision I thought God had for my life on top of that. Then finally, I wrote God’s promises to me on top of everything. Only then, did I begin the rest of the layers. So not only do these pieces portray my story visually of where I’ve been and where I’m going…my story forms the very foundation of these pieces.
The Treasures of Darkness
This first piece is called, “The Treasures of Darkness”. There’s the little
plant getting blasted by the storm and not a whole lot to look at–above
ground. But underground there’s a massive root system and just by looking at them, it’s very obvious that the plant is not going anywhere. It has strong and deep roots. It was in the storms that my faith was strengthened, my character shaped and spiritual growth was taking place.
The Promise Has Come
So this is my “where I’m going” painting, entitled The Promise Has Come.
You’ll notice that the trunk of the tree is kind of bent in one direction
because it was blown over by the storm for a long time until it grew strong
enough to straighten up and blossom.
Can you relate? You’re trying to do the right thing, be obedient, have
faith, but you just keep getting beat up, ripped to shreds, trying to hang on,
and there’s just nothing impressive looking about your life. But in reality,
because of the trial, you were actually growing in your strength, in your
faith, in your character, in ways that you couldn’t have grown otherwise.
God uses all of that to mold us and shape us.
These pieces don’t just represent my story. They represent your story too. The specific details of your yucky seasons may not be the same, but we ALL have the painful, difficult season that God in his bigness is turning into something beautiful.
The pain part is only a small part of the whole
So comparing these paintings side-by-side, I want to draw your attention to the proportions as they are strategic and not random. In the first painting, 1/4 of the piece is the storm, the yucky part and 3/4 of the piece represents the growth which takes place because of the storm. Even though the storm seems all consuming in our reality – it really is small in comparison to the growth and gains that come out of it. Whenever you go through something yucky, it doesn’t feel like a masterpiece. But God’s perspective sees the growth that is taking place in that darkness. The large part translates over to the tree painting where the roots now represent only 1/4 of the painting and 3/4 is the above ground growth that comes about. You can’t have all this big, fruitful growth without the roots to sustain it, and you don’t get those kinds of roots without trials.
Conclusion
If you’re in a dark place right now, I have empathy for where you’re at. I’ve been there! But I’m also excited for you. You might think this season will never end, but it will. God will use this yuck you’re going thru in ways you can’t even fathom. You are His masterpiece and you are just in process.
Some things you can do while in the yuck:
- Keep your eyes on Jesus!
- Rest in God’s promises for you—do you remember what they are? Find some reminders here.
- Find some people locally, or even online, that are in a similar place, just so you know that you aren’t alone.
- Practice self care every day.
- Hang on, Lovely! This season won’t last forever!
