Do you ever have days when you just can’t do anything because it seems like too much work? Like your ‘get up and get go’in’ button is broken?
As the months went by after my divorce, I sunk deeper and deeper into a dark place. It was different experience than when I was in my toxic marriage, in that it wasn’t as painful and life sucking, but I came to realize that there’s a price to pay after being totally sucked dry for such a long period of time. I was an empty shell. An exhausted, numb, empty shell. I was depressed.
Not able to keep up
Some cool opportunities came up at my church right as my divorce was final. It was exciting to be a part of it all, but as time went by, I couldn’t keep up. I started to hide. It was all I could do to go to work and be “on” while I was there. When I got home, not a lot happened. I rarely cooked for months and months during this time—maybe once a week if my kids were lucky. Convenience foods were the usual. It’s not that I didn’t care, but I didn’t. I just couldn’t deal with anything. I felt like a total flake as I started to miss meetings and fall out of group chat conversations. Then I felt guilty on top of feeling depressed. Everything seemed overwhelming, so I only did the things I HAD to do which pretty much was just going to work.
Getting help
Thank goodness I was seeing a counselor during this depression season and she shared her training in dealing with trauma and PTSD. The neuroscience is fascinating! She assured me I wasn’t a flake, I was just in recovery. As I started engaging my pre-frontal cortex by doing puzzles and sudoku regularly with some other practices, I was able to level out my extremes of total freak-out and total shutdown, also known as “staying within my window of tolerance”.
Slowly, slowly, I started feeling better. It’s still been up and down, but definitely an upward curve. After being in my window of tolerance for several months, I am starting to get overwhelmed again. I was feeling better and started doing too much too soon. Ugh! At least I have awareness now and am looking at what might need to wait a bit longer to add back into my life. They are all good things that I want to do, but I need to be focusing on only doing what is going to help my healing journey and the rest can wait.
Do you need some recovery time?
So, if you feel like you’re being a flake and not able to keep up with your life, it’s likely you need some recovery time. Here’s some things to remember:
- Pray and read or listen to scripture. The Psalms are very relate-able! Cling to His promises for you.
- Listen to worship music that fills your soul.
- Find a good counselor. If you’ve suffered from trauma, finding one that specializes in trauma therapy can make all the difference.
- Practice regular self-care. Regularly do things that you find enjoyable and it doesn’t even need to be for an extended period. Spending 15-20 minutes painting, drawing and journaling can still benefit your well-being.
- Work on puzzles, sudoku, matching games—even writing with your non-dominant hand for awhile every day to practice focus. Those activities force you to work from your pre-frontal cortex, the front part of your brain that keeps you “present” is responsible for helping you solve problems, process complex thoughts, and creating emotions.
- Get enough sleep, limit sugar, and exercise regularly.
- Don’t live in the past or the future. If you need to revisit the past or plan for your future, do so with one foot solidly in the present.
- Don’t feel bad about having to drop some things or declining to go to new events/activities. It’s okay! Other people don’t know what you’ve been through. You need to live your life for yourself and not other people’s expectations. This can be a great opportunity to start practicing saying “No”, which is an awesome skill to master. Ask yourself if doing or going adds to you/helps your healing or depletes your energy. If it’s not helping you heal, decline and don’t feel guilty about it! (This is coming from a recovering people pleaser! )
- Take your time to heal. You are not on anyone else’s timetable–your healing happens in your time. I kept wanting it to go faster, but it just doesn’t work that way. You are in recovery mode and need rest. Remember, it’s temporary and won’t last forever.
What are the things have helped you feel better? I am praying today to the Lover of our Souls for our healing. He is near you today, Lovely one. Rest in Him!
NOTICE: The things I’ve mentioned in this post are not mental health advice, I’m just sharing things that work for me in case it may be of help for you. Please use your own best judgment and consult a mental health professional if you need support.
