It was July 2016 and I had been in a destructive marriage for 27 years. I had recently become aware of what emotional abuse was and had started coming out of the fog of denial. I had made the long and prayerful decision to divorce.
In a last ditch effort to save our marriage, my now ex wanted me to go with him to a 3-day seminar. I had gone to so many of those, I did NOT want to go to another one. But after I investigated Lifeonaire online, it did sound different than the other conferences I had attended.
I told him I would only agree to go to the first day. If it was salesy or ego driven, I was leaving. I’m so glad I went. It ended up being one of the most life changing events I have ever been to!
A life changing event
The premise of Lifeonaire is that God created each of us with purpose. But somewhere along the way, we get distracted by life, many times chasing the American dream. We work and work to buy and buy and think when we retire is when we can enjoy life. Lifeonaire says to design a life you love and pursue your purpose now instead of waiting to do it “someday” when you have more time.
The day of the event arrived. Along with about 30 other people, we each got a workbook and were taken through a series of exercises to determine what was important to us. We were told to complete them as an individual—not a couple. It became apparent to me as I worked thru the questions, that I really had no idea who I was anymore. I had always deferred to my husband and I didn’t even know what I liked, what I didn’t like. I had even forgotten how to dream.
It was a wake up call
It was a wake up call for sure! I finished the first day and went back for the next 2 days soaking up this concept of owning my own life. I had felt that God had a plan for my life, but I didn’t know how in the world He was going to make it happen. I felt like I was stuck down in a deep, dark hole. Trying to answer all of the questions was hard. How big could I dream when my “dreamer” seemed to be broken? What did I want to do? Where did I want to go?
After the event, I spent a couple of weeks praying about and working on my answers, compiling them all into a written vision that incorporated my values, my priorities, and my purpose. I signed up for a coach through Lifeonaire for help in implementing my vision. I was also part of a mastermind coaching group that met 3 times per year that helped give me a different perspective on my situation and goals. They saw the hard truth of my situation much easier than I was able to and gave me the “encouragement” to move out sooner than later–before the divorce was even final. I find it ironic that my ex-husband took me to this event to try to save our marriage, but Lifeonaire ended up helping me completely separate from him for my safety and sanity.
How to create a Lifeonaire Vision
The following is information from the Lifeonaire website on how to create your vision.
According to Lifeonaire, your vision
“is a written description of what your complete and ideal life looks like. Think of it as your template, blueprint, or roadmap that you use to create your own rules and win the “game of life”. It will serve as your guide and reference so that you can refer to it often and determine whether your choices and actions are moving you closer or farther away from the life you want to live.”
If you download the worksheet here, you can work your way thru it at your own pace. It will take you awhile to finish it if you fill it out thoroughly. And if you’re like me, when I first did this…I really had to think about what I wanted versus what I thought someone else wanted for me. For years, I had lived my life for everyone else and didn’t really know what I wanted for myself. I I’m still trying to figure it out, but this is such a great way to start!
Step 1
In each category, write down how you want your life to look if you were living your best life.
· Needs
· Wants
· Spiritual
· Family
· Friends
· Personal Gratification
· Charity
· Health
· Hobbies
· No Regrets
Step 2
Reread what you wrote and make sure everything is what you really want.
Step 3
On a scale of 1-10, rank each of the categories in order of how close you are living those things today.
Step 4
Take your ranking from Step 3 and now re-rank them by priority on which ones are most important to you.
Step 5
Break each one into action item baby steps for you to start improving.
Putting it all together
After working through this, my top priorities were Spiritual, Health and Family. I wrote my vision out in present tense like I was already living my top priorities. I included everything including the supporting actions on a sheet of paper that I keep in my purse to read often. Some people even write theirs as a story. It helps to read your vision regularly in order to keep your focus on the things that are important to you. It is also a constant reminder of the action steps to accomplish your goals.
Throughout my posts I have referenced the importance of having a vision for your life and this is how you get one. But it’s not a once and done kind of a thing. You will find yourself accomplishing things on your vision just because you are more focused on your priorities. Then you will be able to incorporate more things to your vision and really start living your life on purpose.
