Have you ever run across something that sounded great, but would take some time out of your already busy schedule to do? Or maybe you’ve been asked to do something that would require more time and attention than you have. How do you answer? Do you always answer Yes, out of obligation or guilt? Are you trying to learn how to say No? How do you decide if you should do it or not?
Yes or No? What do I do?
I was recently asked to take on an additional role in a group that I am part of. I had just been learning to say no when it doesn’t line up with my life vision and goals. But this one was a gray area. It “could”, on a stretch, be considered to align with my vision and goals, so I wasn’t sure how to answer. My first thought was No Way, Man! I’m a single mom that works full time plus overtime. I’m also starting this blog and working on healing and growth as well as doing more art workshops. I was learning to be very careful of staying within my bandwidth so as not go to Overwhelm (this is a place in my life that I have, unfortunately, visited often.)
Flip-flopping on the answer
But this request, left me wondering if I should or not. So, I told the requestor I would pray about it. And I did. At first, I told God, “I’m saying no until you tell me otherwise.” But then I got a list of the specifics and it didn’t “seem” like it would be a big deal to accept. I wavered. I actually changed my mind and was going to say yes. Then I forgot to pray about it over the weekend. Renewing the prayers, I then logically walked through it again and flip-flopped a few more times. Ugh!
So I journaled a prayer about it in my morning routine and went back to saying No. I told God that I would say No, and I was going to let the requester know later that day. I asked that He please confirm that decision.
Later on, I started the email to the requestor to say “no, thanks”, but wasn’t able to finish it. It also sounded lame to me to just say No. (Can any other people pleasers relate?)
But then on the way home, I was listening to the Mission:119 | Know the Word app. Pastor John Soper was discussing Luke 4:14-5:39, and what he was saying hit me right between the eyes:
Confirmation
“He (Jesus) has a clear sense of what He needs to be doing and He’s not going to let other people set his agenda for Him, even if what they want are all good things in themselves. Jesus didn’t heal nearly as many people as He could have because He’s got something even more important to do—the preaching of the gospel.
Friends, when you know what God wants you to do like Jesus did, partly at least because our reading today shows he spends so much time in prayer, when you know what God’s agenda is, know that you are going to have to say “No” to many things. And if you were never able to say “No” to anything anyone asked you to do, you probably don’t yet have a clear picture of what God wants you to do.”
Pastor John Soper
I leaned in close to the speakers and was like, WHAT?! I had to listen to it 3 more times. This was my confirmation! I do know what God’s plan is for me—to redeem my story by sharing the good news through this blog and through my creativity. I now knew I had to say No, but not just because I thought I was too busy. Because I was trying to be more like Jesus and He knew He couldn’t do everything everyone wanted him to do. He just stayed on task of His Father’s business and I needed to do the same. I have God-given purpose (remember Ephesians 2:10?) and would be wasting my time if did things that are not part of that purpose.
I am so thankful for this reminder, and I’m passing it on to you.
Does it align with your vision?
Many requests are easy just by looking at your vision.
- Do I want to take that online art class? YES! It’s actually in my vision that I take a couple of classes each year.
- Do I want to spend a day driving for 11 hours to join my family for Thanksgiving? YES! It’s in my vision that family get togethers are important to me.
- Do I need to take on a new client for a side gig for my almost retired Autocad drafting business? Um, the answer should have been NO! NO! NO! NOWHERE on my vision did it include ramping up this business. I learned that lesson the hard way. This client came to me out of the blue offering me work. I thought it would be more money to fund other things on my vision. In reality, this decision took me straight to Overwhelm and I spent a lot of unnecessary time there.
- Should I take my daughter clothes shopping? If I’m honest, part of me is screaming NO! NO! NO! (ha!), but spending time with my kids is in my vision—so the answer is actually YES.
Things to do before you add more
So, before adding something new to your already full bandwidth,
- Tell the requestor you need to pray about it before answering them—even when the requester is YOU!
- Pray, a lot
- Look at your life vision and purpose and see if it aligns or not
- Don’t rush to give an answer too quickly
- Journal about the request
- Make your decision then surrender your response
- Ask God to confirm your decision
How about you? Do you have a hard time saying no? How can you protect your most precious asset—your time—for the purpose that God has created you for?
